An Opening Word
Welcome friend. Thank you for clicking on this article (if you would like to listen to this article via podcast you can do so here). I hope you are having a great day. I know life has been tough recently. All the late nights, homework assignments, tough conversations, long days at work, loneliness, stress, and worries all piling on top of each other making one never-ending, never ceasing mountain. As soon as one ends, the next layer falls right on top of you, barely leaving enough time to breathe or process anything. Then when you finally have time to process things, you distract yourself so as not to disturb the fantasy world you have created in your imagination. However, you are not alone. I too have been experiencing this. Wondering where the hours go or why I am here. Why did the Lord decide to take me down this path instead of the one I wanted? I don’t understand. I know His way is better and He is great, but I can’t help but wonder and want to ask “Why?” But, when I want to ask “Why?”, I can’t help but feel like a “bad Christian”. Like I am taking a step back in my faith.
One example of this was recently, immediately after I had some refreshing prayer time with a group, I heard something that made me experience a great sadness in my being. It was about an issue that was so small, yet it was something I held onto. For the rest of the morning, I sat content in my condition and questioned life. Why Lord? Why am I here right now? Why am I around these people? Why am I majoring in chemical engineering? What do you have planned for my life? Who am I going to end up with? Will I end up with anyone? Where am I going to live? Why am I in the position I am in? Will I ever win an intramural t-shirt? Why is this issue still bothering me? Why do I suddenly feel like I do not care about anything? Outwardly, it just looked like I was being quiet or even studying as I had my laptop open, but inwardly I felt glum and dead. Forget studying, all I could focus on was this issue. An issue I had no control over. An issue that already occurred, and over something I didn’t even know I still was clinging onto. An issue that affected my whole-being as soon as I heard it. I didn’t care if it was going to affect my quiz or my day, I just felt bummed out and void of Life. An issue that I was so confused on why it affected me still, but I could not deny its affect. I felt part of my mind saying “Call on the Lord. Turn to Him. Trust Him. He will provide. His way is better”, but the other part of my mind said “I don’t care. I don’t want to call on Him. I am content with where I am. If this ruins my day or my quiz, I don’t care. I just want to keeping thinking about this and dwell in my condition.”
For over an hour, I did not say a word. This problem had been affecting me for two days now, and I was content in just thinking about it and why it was such an issue. I knew the answer to why it affected me. I knew that it was that I had not turned and given Him this broken part of me. He could not make me (the clay vessel — 2 Cor. 4:7) whole as He was missing this piece. Yet, I refused to give it to Him. Finally, out of my mouth came a short phrase, “Oh Lord Jesus”. Then suddenly, a gushing of words flowed. “Oh Lord, I do not want to turn to You. I do not want this new heart You offer me Lord. I am content with where I am. So Lord, work in me. Cause me to want you, because right now I do not. Son of David have mercy on me. Amen”. That was all. I never said I desired Him, I just spoke to the Rock honestly (Num. 20:8 & 1 Cor. 10:4). I wanted to want the Lord, but my pride would not let me pray that to Him. Deep down in my heart, I knew I HAD to turn to the Lord. There was no other way (John 14:6). There was no other answer besides Jesus. But it was so annoying. And I was just content in my condition.
Sorry if this feels like I am rambling to some of you, but when you experience this feeling (no matter for how long) nothing feels better than to stay in this condition! Everything within you, just feels content with being meh. But I want you to realize that the Lord did not make man to be meh. He made us to dwell in Eden (Hebrew for pleasure) and to express Him (Gen. 1:26). He wants us to be happy. He wants us to turn to Him. Now, this does not make turning to Him any easier; however, it does remind us we need to turn to Him. Even when we don’t want to. Especially when we don’t want to. It is in this condition, when we ignore our feelings and turn to the Lord that will cause Satan to truly tremble in fear and our faith to be strengthened. This is when the Lord will be the most refreshed and satisfied (Gen. 2:1–4)! And this too is when we will be the most refreshed and satisfied! We may not feel it at the time, but praise the Lord that our feelings do not reign! The King, Jesus Christ reigns!
So friend, just know that you are loved and that I am praying for you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you are going through, you are not alone. It may feel that way, and I know you are annoyed when told that the Lord is always with you, but I am here to tell you that not only is the Lord with you, but I am with you too. And I know you do not want to, but I encourage you to just call “Oh Lord Jesus.” You don’t have to desire the Lord; you just have to be genuine with Him. When you are genuine with the Lord and truly tell Him what is on your heart, He will meet you where you are (Gen. 32:1 & Rev. 3:20). He will give you a new heart even when we do not want it (Jer. 24:7)! He will reveal Himself, all He needs is just for us to be honest and turn to Him. Even the slightest of turns can refresh us. Don’t you want to be refreshed? Don’t you want to be re-lifed? Then turn to the Lord, especially when you don’t want to, and then He will refresh you with Himself as the river of water of Life. The triune-God as the river will gush toward you! But with a stone heart that is turned away from the Lord, there is no room for an inflow of water no matter how fast the river flows! So, we must turn. Even one millimeter is enough. After all, what do we have to lose by turning to Jesus? If we give Him one millimeter and He does nothing with it, then we are in the same state we were before, so we have lost nothing. But what if He does flow out to us and refresh us? Oh how much Joy and Life would be gained!
Before you leave, I want to share with you this poem that led me to write this article. This poem was me just being genuine and honest with the Lord. I pray it helps you turn, even just one millimeter to Him. Because when we do, we will not be able to turn off the faucet that is the all-inclusive Christ flowing into our mingled spirit! Enjoy:
Lord, I don’t know why
I did everything I could, I tried
I thought You would provide
But my heart’s desires, you denied
How could it be so, I replied
The things of this earth still on my mind
My spirit lacks water, it is dried
There is no resurrection, yet I have died…
My feelings are nonexistent, but on them I rely
So I’ll stay in my condition until this emptiness subsides
I know I should turn to You Lord, my guide
But instead, I choose to worship the statue of pride
After a bit of time, I find
I cannot do it on my own, I sighed
“Son of David have mercy on me” I cried
And just like that, instantly I am supplied
I’m here calling on Your name Lord, make me Your bride
Our ultimate consummation, to coincide
Just like the branch, in You I abide
Lord draw me into Your chambers, just like the tide
Lord, Your will be done, Your kingdom come, I comply
Your economy Lord… so vast, so wide!
Pour into me Jesus, I no longer hide
The all-inclusive Christ in me, running in stride
In the divine umpire I’m clearly safe, there is no need to slide
The ascended Christ, over everything I’ve flied
I take my will and cast it aside
Like a thief in the night, my heart you have pried
So this new heart you give me, I’ll no longer deny
I turn back to you Lord, the veil no longer divides
All attachments to earth are suddenly untied
Your eternal purpose, Christ and the Church, no longer disguised
Now your will and my prayers are bound to collide
At anytime, anywhere in you I confide
I don’t need reception, all the phone companies lied
I can dial in to you in my spirit, that’s where my phone resides.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
References and Further Enjoyment:
- The Holy Bible Recovery Version, w/ footnotes
- Bibles for America, What Does It Mean to Call on the Name of the Lord?: https://blog.biblesforamerica.org/calling-on-the-name-of-the-lord/
- Calling on the Name of the Lord Pamphlet: https://newsletters.lsm.org/having-this-ministry/issues/Dec2021-008/Calling_on_the_Name.pdf
- Witness Lee, Calling on the Name of the Lord Excerpt: https://www.ministrysamples.org/excerpts/CALLING-ON-THE-NAME-OF-THE-LORD.HTML
- Hymn, When We Call on the Lord: https://soundcloud.com/hymnstream/when-we-call-on-the-lord?si=f7b817b4a4e24e23aa65b43afcd63eb8&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
- Hymn, I Will Call on You: https://soundcloud.com/alaaann/i-will-call-on-you?si=bb8c8c302dcf444c9476b9dcc26cb5a4&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing